Then: Abused child of addicts/homeless/teen mom
Now: Engineer/Multi-published author/Speaker

Being the child of addicts, my childhood was peppered with domestic, drug, emotional, sexual and mental abuse. I survived countless nights of watching my mom endure beatings, can recall multiple parental kidnappings, have experienced homelessness as a way of life while growing up on the streets of Sacramento, California and small towns of Michigan.  I can recount stories of the effects of drug abuse and how it was the catalyst for so much trauma in my childhood and young adulthood for hours.

Breaking the cycles, healing generational dysfunction and taking accountability for my life has given me the ambition I needed to work hard, help others and transform myself from the societal acceptance of a child who grew up the way I did.

Instability and fear existed in most every night of my childhood. More times than I should know it was the same story of my parent's meeting up at a bar, my dad following my mom home, and then a physical fight that would carry on throughout the night. I would spend this time tucked in the corner of a closet, covered with anything I could find to avoid hearing the abuse against my mother. Following soon thereafter, a kidnapping that I knew was coming would occur. After battering my mom until she could no longer fight back, my dad would discover my location and steal me away yet again. We would then find a place where the police would not find us, and spend the remainder of the night sleeping in his car. Although I was only a small child, scared beyond belief, I vividly remember wondering how a person could allow the repetitive abuse that was my mother's life, noticing the repetition in the choices that led to that same situation each night.

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Eventually my mom did get the courage to leave my dad, but she continued the same cycle of abuse. She entertained many relationships that resulted in physical beatings in the front yard. I remember shoving her in ditches to prevent her from being run over by the abusive men in her life. This continued into the teen years of my life. Not only was I experiencing the physical abuse in my mother's life, I was also watching as most adults and potential role models in my life abused a variety of drugs.  It was never out of the ordinary to come home from school and see lines of coke on the table and piles of weed on the counter.  Looking back, seeing them as so dependent on this drug gave me a reason to keep as far away from the substances as possible.

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As a teenager I was lacking the attention that so many need. I had no sense of self worth, self respect or self love.  Wanting to fit in I turned to alcohol and partying. At the time, it validated me, making me feel that I was good enough, was liked and wanted around.  All things I spent my life begging for since I was a small child.   Little did I know that the repercussions of my decisions were right around the corner. I was sexually assaulted at one point by a male friend and chose to take part in his prosecution, something that was anything but easy in a small town that thrived on the gossip that stemmed from it.  Of course, this wasn't quite enough to wake me up. The reality check I needed came along when I became a mother at the age of 16. (In no relation to the sexual assault)  Upon learning I was having a girl, I made the decision that we would not be a statistic. I knew I would have to work hard, but the daunting task did not discourage me. I continue to work hard and ensure that this is our truth every day. Providing stability and safety for my daughters became my main focus in my life and in that I lost who I was.  It needed to be a balance.  After 23 years of marriage to their father I filed for divorce and set out on the adventure of discovering who I was.  For the first time in my life I wasn't taking care of everyone else, I was learning how to take care of myself.  The growth and lessons I have learned and experienced in the last 7 years has changed me on levels I didn't even know existed.  I am beyond grateful for that. 

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Being a victim would have been the easy way out for me.  Blaming my childhood and the conditions I had to face from the moment I was born, into my childhood, young adulthood and adult years.  It would have made sense to everyone once they heard my story.  I refuse to let that be my story. 

 I took the negative cards I was dealt and the ones I picked from the deck and replaced them with healing, confidence, strength and overcoming all statistics.  I am now a multi-published author and motivational speaker in the field of self improvement.  Showing others how to heal their childhood trauma, realize that they are not a product of their past and how taking accountability for your life will change everything.   Although we face challenges great and small, I assure you we all have the power to recover and heal but we must start with the wounds from our childhood, freeing ourselves from painful ruts and demolishing all limitations.